“As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.” – 1 Peter 1:14

I have been struggling. Not over any one thing, but over growing. It seems like the harder I try, the further I am from God. I get less and less ignorant, falling away from the excuse that at one time I considered my salvation. I am broken. I am human. Changing doesn’t even cross my mind. 

“If you really change your ways and your actions …….But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless.” Jeremiah 7:5-8

I can’t really pay attention to the rest of this. Every time I read it I only see this much, and it hurts me to see who I am. I keep going back to what I was, back to the earthly realm. Worthless. Trusting in deception. 

Are we serious or just here in the name of blasphemy?

“So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” – Revelation 3:16

God’s unfailing, incomprehensible love. Mercy and Grace. Something that I “live my life for.” How can I even pretend to be ignorant? Why would I try to deceive my very own Savior, so that the very thing he died for won’t be blamed on me?

I pray for change, but I don’t act on my faith. That is going to stop. I won’t let myself be a passive Christian any longer. Is it faith if God comes looking for you? The answer seems so easy, but for some reason it is how I have lived my life for almost my entire walk with Christ.

God, thank you for not giving up on me, even when I give up on you. Thank you cleaning every stain, no matter how noticeable.