21 December, 2008

“i’m a hustla baby, i just want you to know…”

i was on my way yesterday to grab lunch with one of my guys and as we were stopped at a red light, we saw a man who appeared to be homeless on the street corner. he had the typical scruffy, homeless appearance and was holding a piece of cardboard with “food” written in all caps. as he walked by, he and i held eye contact for more than a few seconds, but he just walked on by and i just drove off.

after a few seconds of driving i just couldn’t get his eyes out of my head so i turned the car around and went to go pick him up. a fellow wanderer taught me that it is much greater to share a meal with someone who’s hungry than it is to throw money at the problem thinking it’s going to help. i pulled up the car beside him as he walked along the side of the road and rolled the window down. i told him that i saw his sign and that my friend and i were on our way to grab a bite to eat. i said he was welcome to join us. and his response knocked me off my feet.

he said “thanks, man but i’m actually on my way to get a pack. i haven’t smoked in an hour and it’s starting to get to me. but i did get some food earlier so don’t worry about that. i’m kinda out just hustlin’ right now and i know i’m addicted but i can’t help it. but i did eat already so thanks anyways.”

just… wow. his response hit me on so many different levels i still don’t know what to think about it. he knew that he was addicted to smoking and had probably given up all hope on ever quitting. he had already eaten but still he held up the sign for food so that he could get some money for his addiction(s). he was a hustler and he knew it. i can’t decide if i’m angry at the fact that he was cheating people out of their money or if i’m broken-hearted that he was so addicted and he didn’t seem to care.

i think what really struck me is that he was honest about all of it. even in all of his sin, he didn’t see the need to cover it up or make it out to be something that it’s not. never in a thousand years did i think i’d be following the example of a homeless man.

p.s. – or did i?

17 December, 2008

The Present-Day Love Famine.

i feel like this is something that has really been on my heart a lot lately, and it’s amazing how simple yet complex it can be. love.

the basis of our faith can be summarized very easily. love god, love people. every other rule or law will be covered by doing this. but i just can’t do it.

it’s hard to understand why it’s such a difficult thing to do. perhaps we aren’t sure what it means to really love. to love like our savior loved, i don’t think we will ever get there. but we aren’t even getting close.

“a new command i give you: love one another. as i have loved you, so you must love one another. by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” john thirteen, thirty four and thirty five

as christians, we will be known by how much we love. not by all the cool things our youth group does or how many bible studies we start at school. considering we struggle so much with the one thing that identifies us, we’ve got a serious problem.

i think the problem falls under what it means to love. i’m not sure if i can say i understand god’s love for me and then turn around and ignore the homeless people on the streets that deserve to have nothing no more than i do. it doesn’t make sense. our love is false.

i find that i don’t genuinely love because it means that i’m not going to get anything back. my love is selfish.

a lot of times when i think of love, i think of the really lame thing we were always told growing up. 

“treat others the way you would want to be treated.” 

i think we have even managed to screw something as simple as this up. i’ve put a lot of thought into it, and i’ve figured out where i went wrong with it. 

when i think about it, i have always just said “well i wouldn’t want someone to punch me in the face, so i probably won’t go doing that to people.” but it is a lot more than that.

today i put on a pair of clean clothes.
today i ate.
today i had running water.

that’s how i treat myself. if i really loved, i would treat people who don’t have these things the way i would want to be treated. i would love them by giving them what i would want to be given. (it’s christmas time, that’s ironic.)

i don’t know who will read this, and to be honest, i don’t really care. this is aimed at myself, because i’m as jacked up as anyone else in this world. i’ve made it about myself. there is no room for anyone else.

god, help me to love.
oh captain, the ship is sinking. have mercy.

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